Lately I've been struggling a whole lot. I'm not exactly sure what is happening, but I'm losing my purpose to live. I'm hanging on, trying to remind myself of the truth that I am valuable to God and he has a future and a hope for me. Sometimes I have a hard time seeing it.
I go back and forth on wanting to be honest about what's going on in my life and wanting to shut everyone out. Putting myself out there in this blog is good for me ultimately because once it's out there, there's no going back. And that forces me to deal with what is going on.
In my Bible study we going through 1 Peter. It talks a lot about suffering and I wondered if that was only when we are suffering for what we believe, or daily struggles as well. I'm not persecuted for what I believe so I was discouraged that what I go through is just my problem and not a trial. But I read a blog that Randy Alcorn had written about Charles Spurgeon and he talks about the sufferings of daily life and how depression can be that.
Depression causes me to constantly realize I can't get through a single day and sometimes a single moment without realized how badly I need God to survive. I have to remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Just the way God intended.
But I still tell myself that i don't like me. That I'm worthless. It's so difficult. I hate it.
6 comments:
Wow, Hess, that's pretty vulnerable. What a brave thing for you to do. I'm really proud of you. Hang in there. We'll get through the tough stuff together. Love mom
Hi Heather, you are being very open on your blog. You have enriched my life greatly your insight - especially in 1st Peter. I am so grateful for YOU...no matter what you think : ) Love, Kathy
Can we hang out again? Soon? You've always been so great at making me laugh, but I love you even more now that you're challenging me to be real. I missed you, best friend. Oh, and check your email. And respond to it. :o)
Love til the kitchen sinks, love til Multnomah falls, love til M.T.'s thigh jokes aren't funny anymore, ANG.
Heather! I am so glad to see you on here, I love reading your words because they are real. I can't wait to read the rest...can I add you to my links??? well, I am:)
on second thought..i won't add you without your permission!:) i'm really excited to keep up with you here heather. your honesty has always really inspired me and i think given the chance, you and i could have a lot to talk about friend!
Heather! I found you on Faith's blog:) I am so excited to hear what God is doing in your life...what an inspiration. Thanks for sharing with such an open heart. Hope to see you soon!!
Brandy
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